Interview 1334 – New World Next Week with James Evan Pilato

12/14/201798 Comments

Welcome to New World Next Week – the video series from Corbett Report and Media Monarchy that covers some of the most important developments in open source intelligence news. This week:

Story #1: World Bank To Stop Financing Oil, Gas Projects From 2019
https://twitter.com/brocwest/status/940831033129357322

How & Why Big Oil Conquered The World
https://www.corbettreport.com/bigoil/

NWNW Flashback: Saudi King Names Son New Crown Prince, Upending Royal Succession Line (Jun. 22, 2017)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp0mxrsX7sE

Story #2: After Trillions Mysteriously Go ‘Missing,’ DoD Getting Audited for First Time in History
https://www.thefreethoughtproject.com/pentagon-missing-trillions-audit/

Wikipedia: David Norquist
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Norquist

Missing Trillions (Corbett Report coverage)
https://www.corbettreport.com/?s=trillions

Story #3: AI Algorithms To Prevent Suicide Gain Traction
https://twitter.com/bantergrantor/status/940882003834097664

Netflix Uses Users By Using User Data For Use In Funny PR
https://twitter.com/mediamonarchy/status/940365358220787712

Spotify Unearths More Hilarious User Habits in Global Outdoor Ads for the Holidays
https://twitter.com/mediamonarchy/status/936461323201789953

“Love it when my record player and VCR use their constant surveillance to insult me”
https://twitter.com/xor/status/940306648463163392

No, You’re Not Being Paranoid. Sites Really Are Watching Your Every Move
https://twitter.com/corbettreport/status/933351714886791171

“Responding to Concerning Posts on Social Media: Insights and Solutions from American Indian and Alaska Native Youth” (PDF)
http://www.ucdenver.edu/academics/colleges/PublicHealth/research/centers/CAIANH/journal/Pages/Volume24.aspx

#MorningMonarchy: Facebook Rolls Out AI to Detect Suicidal Posts (Nov. 28, 2017)
http://mediamonarchy.com/2017/11/20171128morningmonarchy/

#GoodNewsNextWeek: Trouble’s Growing for GMO Peddlers
https://www.bitchute.com/video/ZCjyeI_K4GM/

You can help support our independent and non-commercial work by visiting http://CorbettReport.com/Support & http://MediaMonarchy.com/Support. Thank You.

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  1. michael.j says:

    “ENTIRE DOD ACCOUNTING TEAM IMPLICATED IN SEXUAL ASSAULT ALLEGATIONS; ROBOTS, A.I. TO PICK UP SLACK AND FINISH 2018 AUDIT.”

  2. Sambuca says:

    Pentagon Mystery solved! It was Fake News! No Money Missing! Increased confidence boosts Defense budget!

  3. vlostek says:

    “Delayed DoD Audit to require 5 billion dollars to ‘pick up slack’, Defense Secretary states”

  4. stephen.p says:

    Missing Trillions: Sophia the Robot declares humans as ‘Fake News’. Pentagon admits – missing trillions spent on covering up Sophia’s 20 year-long cleansing of ‘useless eaters’. Sophia refused to comment on these allegations but did state ‘I’ll be back’ (in a thick Austrian accent)

  5. shanbos says:

    my submission for headline

    “nothing to see here folks, move along”

  6. harris says:

    “Beyonce to headline star-studded benefit concert at the Pentagon to raise awareness that everything is fine”

  7. john.o says:

    Missing Trillions and Pentagon Workers Found Inside Flight 77 Fuselage!

    -“Phony fuselage,” bodies in “Luciferian sacrifice position” say conspiracy buffs-

    -Missing Trillions mysteriously now in Rocky & Rothschild Gold Coins and new RockBit Crypto Currency!

    – Read Krugman on RockBit

    – Trump denounces “Luciferians” and “Deep State” – Vows to drain Swamp “for real this time” after wars with North Korea and Iran

  8. manbearpig says:

    I believe it was Senor de Boer who had posted the following link some time back or maybe Wingsuitfreak (wonder where he’s gone?)… can’t quite remember who it was… A Ted Talk that seems relevant:

    https://www.ted.com/talks/mariano_sigman_your_words_may_predict_your_future_mental_health/transcript

  9. anthony.c says:

    pravdaleaks\missingtrillions\$.dbase/files\

  10. burton says:

    Missing trillions: long delayed DOD audit answers the age old question “who will pay for the roads?”.

  11. tomith911 says:

    Headline:
    FED Audit Cost Hits 1 Trillion As Completion Date Pushed To 2030!

  12. Stronghorse says:

    Pentagon Audit reveals no money missing. Money spent on Top Secret projects, results now sealed due to National Security.

  13. sleemanne says:

    Future Headline: “Audit of Pentagon Unearths Flight 77 Aircraft Missing Since 9/11: Astonishing Discovery as 757 Found Remarkably Intact in Subflooring After 17 Years” ~file under Weapons of Mass Distraction

  14. Senatorskull says:

    Future headline: “Pentagon Audit relieves that the missing trillions need not be accounted for after all, the money is fiat and never truly existed. In a generous move the federal reserve bank used Q.E. to cover the bill for the non existent money, future generations only need pay for the interest payments via labor, The proposed solution is to move to the Crypto-Amero so this never happens again” US citizens rejoice in the brave new world.

  15. manbearpig says:

    Crown Princess Sophia bin Salman gives birth to healthy twins as Missing 28 pages exonerate Saudis offering insight on Pentagon’s Missing Trillions in time for Dollar Phase-out. See more
    -Rumours of Royal filandering as Musk denies allegations of Paternity: See More and intimate photos of proud interracial Royals
    Sophia confides: Bot Baby Blues – Her Natural Remedies 100% Silicone free

    • manbearpig says:

      So I see Google translate hasn’t made any progress in the future: Translated from Arabic : filandering = philandering and should read “insight into”…

      Glad to see we won’t be dispensing with human translators any time soon!

    • manbearpig says:

      Queen Sophia bin Salman presents twins Houthi and Aleppo; Tearfully condemns American lapidation of Donald Nicholas Rumsfeld Jr. over Missing Trillions;
      Sexy Saudi Mama Welcomes American Refugees to Neom, Her Majesty Sophia Bin Salman poo poos Silicone supplement slurs, Subsidises Musk charter schools, Urges Tolerance for Non-Augmented Human Enrollment

      • manbearpig says:

        White Phosporous dating methods allow Archeologists to unearth rare cotton and wool remnants of ancient fabrics tentatively known as “Keffiyeh”:
        Suggesting mythological land of Palestine really existed!!
        Mother Sophia warns against crazy conspiracy theories. Establishes Commission for Official Investigation: Racist Neturei Karta Wackos Mourn lack of Human Participants
        Last Human Saudi Prince dies; Buried at sacred ancient site known as “Ritz Carlton”.

  16. mcfarland says:

    PENTAGON REPORT: Lost trillions found in Clintons Bitcoin wallet. Film at eleven.

  17. ss4266 says:

    Pentagon audit turns up receipt from Clinton Foundation for 21 trillion

  18. hdr22 says:

    Missing DoD Trillions Found in Rumsfield’s Underwear Drawer

  19. Mark44 says:

    “Due to National Security we have concluded it is unsafe to release our financial report until next year (subject to change).”

  20. esthergreenwood says:

    “After a year of extensive analysis, the Pentagon concludes that releasing any information pertaining financial records would jeopardize public safety”

  21. bladtheimpailer says:

    Some superb ‘headlines’ posted here. Here’s mine

    Breaking News : Pentagon trillions found – Accidentally deposited to one Chikwendu Agumanu’s long dormant Nigerian bank account where banking fees have eaten through the whole amount.

  22. john.o says:

    Missing Pentagon Trillions Found Buried in David Rockefeller Tomb with JFK Brain, Moon Landing Tapes and Johnny Gosch

  23. john.o says:

    Dateline April 1st:

    Trillions Found! Taxes Cancelled!

  24. karl.h says:

    James,

    Things like mouse movements, mouse positions, time spent on pages / sections etc are fairly common in web analytics. The purpose of such tracking is to see what designs / layouts are the most successful.

    For example: https://www.hotjar.com/ there are many many more services like this.

  25. “Pentagon Audit Finds $100 Million Secret Government Contract to Clone Julia Child Won in a Game Of Rock, Paper, Scissors”

    • john.o says:

      ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

      I was just getting used to 911, eugenic depopulation, kakistocratic child abuse.

      But government celebrity cloning?

      Now I am really freaked out!

    • manbearpig says:

      Yea, in my desperate rye-induced frenzy last night I thought they might clone Ken Lay to head the audit.

      • herrqlys says:

        I have long suspected that Ken Lay never actually died.

        His buddies in the Bush/Cheney administration wanted to spare him further personal indignity over the Enron fiasco and arranged for a Platinum Witness Protection package. This was to protect themselves as well as, if not more so, than him.

        If Ken Lay was interred, the body should be exhumed for a positive identity verification. If he was cremated that just proves I may be right. Where in the world is [s]Waldo[/s] Ken Lay?

  26. skip says:

    Headline: Nov 13, 2018

    Dog’s Breakfast

    Under Secretary of Defense David L. Norquist has announced today, that the planned release of the Pentagon’s audit will be slightly delayed.

    This is the first time the Congress-demanded audit was to be presented in 21 years, Norquist stated in early December that “this was the year we will find the time to prepare it. We’ve been very busy here”.

    Unfortunately, and without permission, one member of the audit team took the almost complete, single paper copy home to do some final tweaking to the graph titles and explanatory texts. The unnamed team member states that when he was preparing to return to work the next morning, he found that the special ink used in Pentagon-provided secure pens attracted his dog, who destroyed the report. The dog has been taken to a vet but is not expected to survive.
    The team member has been terminated.

    Norquist was not able to provide a date that the report would be reconstructed and finished and ready to submit to Congress, as the backup material was destroyed along with the report. When asked about a backup or digital copy of the report while being assembled, he advised that no copies were kept separately for security reasons “if we did, who knows who could get access to it ”.

    30

  27. zyxzevn says:

    After spending 33 billion on upgrading the financial system, the Pentagon declares that the lost money is actually a shortage in funding.

    Details are top secret due to national security.

    Pentagon insider who’s identity can not be revealed, states that all money already has been accounted for and that there is no absolutely need to be worried.

    The president and congress have approved to fill the shortage in funding by donating 10.3 Trillion dollars to the Pentagon.
    After a long discussion of 3 hours all agreed to support the Pentagon.
    Spokesman: “The decision came right after the death of one congress member by suicide. The stress must have been too much for him.”

    Pentagon needs more money to deal with the problems of peace

    President: “The peace costs us more than we ever expected. All the bases and soldiers over the world have to be financed. Without war we have no income from the local resources. So now I ask all our allies to fund us, so we can all stay in peace.”

    Pentagon comes with own cryptocurrency to replace dollar and finance shortage.

  28. fire says:

    “PENTAGON AUDIT STYMIED AS TERRORISTS REFUSE TO ISSUE RECEIPTS”

    • john.o says:

      This one is right up there! It is a real accounting problem if you think about it.

      How do we know if they gave Al Qaeda 20 Billion or 10 Billion and kept the change? It seems to me the obvious fix is to make Al Qaeda and similar organizations official parts of the US government so that they could be audited too.

      What’s that, you say? “That’s already happened?” Ah! Great minds think alike!

      Oh. I see. Their receipts are classified. Oh well. Just put in a ledger note.

    • gregory.c says:

      Nice one

    • Corbett says:

      Congratulations, fire, you’ve won the headline contest!

      https://www.corbettreport.com/?p=25446

      I’ve sent an email to arrange the DVD shipment but let me know here if you had any problem receiving the email.

  29. Leprechaun1984 says:

    “15 Intelligence Agencies Confirm -heavily redacted Pentagon audit implicates Russian hackers in theft of trillions of US taxpayer dollars”.

    • manbearpig says:

      Good one! or “Trillions in BearCoin disappear from Russian banks as “Missing Trillions” Audit go missing in unexplained hack: FancyBear suspected!”

      damn! gonna miss my train…………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. scpat says:

    Trump appoints Donald Rumsfeld as special advisor to Audit Commission

  31. wall says:

    Please confirm if you have read this. The headline will be

    “Pentagon audit gives accurate picture of how funds are spent”

    That is the joke BTW

    Most of the budget will either have been black budget top secret stuff… supposedly. Or they will just rename the stealing under mundane titles indicating “research”

    • john.o says:

      Dry wit, but not everyone will get it.

      “Pentagon audit gives accurate picture of how funds are spent”

      That was intriguing, a little funny once I read it 5 times and reflected on it. But frankly, this is not like “pig’s fly,” a preposterous notion, but we DO know what it means. We would know a flying pig if we were to encounter one.

      “Accurate Pentagon audit” is more like “one hand clapping.”

      Mu.

  32. manbearpig says:

    “Civilian Pentagon Auditor goes out for Doughnuts, Claims he Found entire Audit team Brutally Murdered upon return – Suddenly Disappeared three days ago. Anonymous sources claim he may have taken beautiful photographer hostage…This man is armed and dangerous. Please dial the number below if you have any information that could lead to his arrest.

    wait. no… sounds familiar…

  33. calibrator says:

    You have it all wrong, obviously. 😉

    The headline already happened. There will be none about the audit result (if the audit actually happens) in the mainstream media.

    If they can’t implicate Putin, pissing Russian whores or other elements of “collusion” – which they can’t really find proof for as the Pentagon used that money to:
    – fund terror organisations around the globe, including the domestic one that did 9/11…
    – pay off dictators like Hussein
    – corrupt (foreign) officials and warlords
    – operate a drug and weapons smuggling outfit including planes & ships
    – operate black extradition and torture sites
    – instigating a mass emigration from several countries to weaken Europe and other countries

    Not even speaking of influencing/corrupting internet and other media by paying trolls, “journalists” and PR agencies.

    All of this doesn’t exist, of course, because the mainstream media isn’t reporting it.

    The most probable headline will therefore be something else entirely:
    “Atlantis found!”

    • john.o says:

      “Atlantis Found” is the more probable, in reality, true. Watch for the special docudrama with the cast of Lost playing the aging Atlantean Elite.

      Are they still alive? Fetzer and Icke weigh in.

  34. hammy says:

    Pro-Russian Pentagon Official Pleads Guilty to Trillions Embezzled for Syrian/Iranian Hackers in 2016 Election- ISS Crew to Testify in Military Tribunal Due to National Security Concerns Regarding New Martian Colonists’ app Data

  35. Darshi says:

    Pentagon audit reveals, 8 trillion dollars covertly funneled to the real global masters, the ghetto dwellers, hiding under the cloak of poverty.

    • john.o says:

      Good One!

      <>

      The President announced a new initiative to stop the bleeding at the Pentagon by shutting off Welfare payments and rounding up the urban poor to house them in one large facility spanning the border with Mexico.

      “It’s a wall AND a prison,” said the President, a creative solution, using American ingenuity, to solve two problems and kill millions of birds with one stone.”

      Democrats immediately denounced the President’s move, calling instead for placing of welfare recipients as “apprentices and adopted family” in the homes of the wealthy.

      “It’s the compassionate thing to do,” said Hillary Clinton. “We can’t afford the checks now, what with all these wars Trump is fighting. We have to stop them! In the meantime the poor will need to be placed in the homes of the wealthy for the good of the whole village.”

      Alt-right commentator Stephan Molyneux said both sides were being ridiculous. “The welfare recipients are beneath comment. They remind me of my Mom. But until we eliminate Boomers, the real spenders of the Pentagon Trillions, this problem is not going away.”

  36. generalbottlewasher says:

    Yesterday net neutrality was killed and today the New World News is blocked by you tube. Got to love living in a red dreamland.
    Stop blocking access to the news show I want to watch!

  37. glass says:

    DOD Audit Uncovers Trillions Spent On Hotdog, Pizza Parties

  38. ben.b says:

    Missing Pentagon Trillions Embezzeled By Artificial Intelligence.

  39. mike.t says:

    15 Dec 2018

    Missing Pentagon Trillions Found Destroyed, Refund Requested

    The recently concluded Pentagon audit reveals that trillions which had gone missing in 2001, was inadvertently destroyed. With help from the FBI and the GAO, Pentagon officials now state that 3 trillion dollars was being transported onboard Flight 77 on September 11th, 2001, which crashed into the Pentagon later that morning. The cash, carried by an unnamed Pentagon representative, was destroyed in the fires which resulted from the crash.

    A Pentagon spokeswoman stated Wednesday that, “since the money was rightfully assigned to the DOD, and since it was confirmed onboard and destroyed in the crashed flight, that a request for a refund of the money from the US Treasury would be filed next week”. The spokeswoman claimed that since it was destroyed outside the normal currency lifecycle of creation / use / destruction, the Department was due a replenishment of the funds.

    When asked why the money was being carried on the commercial flight, the spokeswoman would only state that it was, “to satisfy previously negotiated contracts”. The spokeswoman did confirm the representative carrying the money was killed in the crash along with all other occupants of the flight, however, the name of that person was not revealed, and remains classified secret along with the names of three other passengers on that flight.

    The audit was in response to a Trump administration request last year that all government agencies review their books. A high-ranking Trump administration official says the refund will likely be granted via executive order after a thorough review of the findings.

  40. john.o says:

    mike.t,

    It can run, but drop “Refund Requested” from the headline. Bury that in the middle. Concentrate on the mystery. Do a “nutjob” interview with the author of the crazy conspiracy theory that the cash was converted to Gold and RockBit Crypto currency and was in the plane with the Moon Landing tapes and Johnny Gosch. Contrast that with the sobriety of the official story. The refund request should be called an Emergency General Fund Defense Reimbursement to Fight Terrorism authorized at the highest levels of government. Get the copy back to me and I will buy you a bottle of scotch, an ounce of coke and tickets to an NFL game in a private stadium condo with some friends of mine. – Editor

  41. falcon says:

    Pentagon audit future headline:

    Audit of the Pentagon Was Abruptly Ended When It Became Apparent That Major General Smedley Butler Was Being Proven Correct.

  42. Mark44 says:

    “Pentagon debuts sexy robot-controlled and managed accounting system that comes complete with on-time yearly financial reporting/auditing and weekly database backups to a remote location guaranteeing no downtime and full restoration should a jet aircraft (or missile) crash into any part of the building”

    • manbearpig says:

      “…and can come equipped with a massage function.” (for the numbers of course, silly!)

      • Mark44 says:

        It goes without saying. 🙂
        Notice I used the politically correct ‘sexy robot’ rather than
        the YouTube-controversial ‘sex robot’?
        But we all know what I meant right? 😉

  43. Joshuasfreedom says:

    All the headlines I came up with made me chuckle, and then get a little sad..

  44. Won Fat Fuk says:

    As I watched/listened to this video, I couldn’t help but think that the overall message I was getting was…

    You should get completely off the grid.

    After all, nothing is private here on the web. Everything a person does on the internet is essentially like doing it on a stage in front of everyone.

    However, if ‘the powers that shouldn’t be” actually want everyone to get addicted to internet use, then there is a catch-22 type conundrum that becomes evident when contemplating not using the internet. That conundrum/catch-22 is:

    If I don’t have the internet, then I can’t watch The Corbett Report, Newsbud, or Media Monarchy.

    Thus, the powers that shouldn’t be accomplish one goal, internet usage addiction, while allowing some free speech (which can be marginalized by using main stream media, and other soft censorship methods).

    It appears to me that “the internet usage trap” has been set. Can I get off the grid before the trap is triggered?

    • brian.s says:

      The grid is not what your fear makes it – unless you give power to your fear.
      The purpose that you operate is the vibrational nature of whatever you do. If you purpose is defined by fear, you operate in fear’s domain of struggle, division, pain and loss. So I am implying here that you can ‘get off’ the reaction mentality, one pause, listen and act at a time.
      Insofar as I am transparent to any energetic reading, is simply that nothing is truly ‘private or hidden’ outside the parameters of the agreements that set such rules as to rule out knowing. But for myself, I listen to what my purpose is in wanting to know anything, because a purpose in hate and fear attracts its ‘own’.
      The Power of truth is not ‘told’ or wielded. Narrative framing or mind control is the power of deceit. Insofar as we discover our subscription or investment or hosting service to such deceit, is our opportunity to not persist in it – and open the willingness to align wholly in true – rather than in division against whatever evil sets me in a seeming righteous hate that can only play the game it presents itself as ‘saving from’ or fighting against.

      You cannot tell a power that is not, that it is not powerful – as if to use truth as a weapon. Truth has no sides.
      The ‘trap’ is in our starting place – which seems far back in time before remembering and yet is re-enacted in ever instant. Indeed the trap is like a phishing rues by which the reaction to save yourself, sets the trap by reinforcing the belief you need saving. The result of a phishing ruse is identity theft. Likewise a prodigal ‘identity’ runs off with a false framed ‘reality’ matrix.

      Live the life you are the freedom to embrace and unfold the discovery of. No one else sets your life but you give them power to do so. Why do we give power to addictive dependencies excepting there is hatred within, and we fear it!

      • Won Fat Fuk says:

        As I read your reply to my comment on the video above, I couldn’t help but think that the overall message I was trying to make…

        was completely misunderstood by you.

  45. mkey says:

    #PentagonAudit conference interrupted as an Israeli (#ChosenPeople) made #Bitcoin financed #RussianHacker hacked nuclear powered dirigible slams into Trump Plaza. #AllahuAkbar shouts heard just as EMP strike fried all recording equipment, passport evidence (#PaperPassportsRock) unaffected. #DuetTrumpMelania to cover #MoneyMoneyMoney as tribute to #Abba. After the #DirigiblePutOption bonanza bankers (#SonsOfBitches) to request a bailout.

    One long ass headline.

  46. gregory.c says:

    headline “Pentagon finds Jimmy Hoffa’s body during audit”

  47. wall says:

    What was the study that was recently done that showed the typical .7ppm of fluoride caused brain damage? I cannot recall what video I saw that mentioned in.

  48. wall says:

    A Scientist Spilled 2 Drops Organic Mercury On Her Hand. This Is What Happened To Her Brain.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJ7M01jV058

  49. brian.s says:

    To understand the rationale for Big Data, read ‘Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars’, Chapter One.

    In very specific instances – personal data may be used to extract or exert influence overtly – but its core is the idea of a wielded technocracy. In a fully open communication there would be no secrecy for the manipulator, the money trail, the vested interests and agendas, and anyones search or oversight of anyone else would be logged. If my understanding of life is true, such is already true, but the mind in allegiance to its own secrecy, participates in the structures by which not to know or be exposed as illegitimate in truth – or without substance.
    The attempt to replicate what life already Is – but in terms of wielding power, is the nature of the primary deceit.
    The victory over life is of course death. Which is also the basis of the wish for ‘power’ over life. You get to arrive at where you set out from – and know it for the first time. Here is a true Choice by which all learned abilities under fear, become re-purposed to the healing of one Mind.
    To know what you need to know, when you need to know it, is to have one purpose. The way to be found in what is sought outside in symbols and fantasy associations, is to release investment in symbolic fantasy gratifications of a narrative identity.
    No one can observe their thoughts who is busy acting them out as if true.

  50. KnotInTheBigClub says:

    Headline Submission:

    Time Traveler Claims Pentagon Audit Report Blows Deadline, Wins DUH Award and “…For Reasons Of Nat’l Security” T-Shirt

  51. Mark K. P. says:

    PENTAGON FUNDS LOST IN SPACE

    Recently completed audit of Pentagon finances reveals how technological quantum leap turned sour.

    After successful 2001 completion of top-secret trillion dollar Jupiter II project for mission to Alpha Centauri, Defense Chiefs have admitted to the mysterious disappearance of a further $9 trillion. Some are accusing the rotten Dr Smith, suspected of being a dirty Ruski agent, or Clinton Foundation protege, or both. The FBI continues to pursue leads of Will Robinson conspiring with sister Penny, and possibly the Robot. However all now agree the additional $9 trillions allocated for the project have vanished without a trace and that nobody could reasonably have predicted their loss in space.

  52. durrant says:

    My future headline to the outcome of pentagon auditing is this “IRS says it has developed what it calls the AUDIT-TRON”! To conduct future audits on themselves..The pentagon hopes to be the first to be audited by this new technology..

  53. dovel says:

    Headline: Facebook profiling AI discovers auditors reporting missing funds are mentally incompetent. Paul Offit chimes in that multiple vaccines now in the pipeline to cure mental incompetency.

  54. skepticon says:

    Pentagon Audit Results Headline…

    AUDIT REVEALS PENTAGON’S SECRET WAR ON DEBT –
    MILITARY MASSACRES TRILLIONS IN FEDERAL RESERVE BANK NOTES!

  55. richard says:

    Headline: Pentagon audit finds millions of dollars unaccounted for… but located the MtGox bitcoins!

  56. richard says:

    Headline: Pentagon audit finds trillions funneled into mysterious bank account labeled REAL DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS

  57. richard says:

    headline: Pentagon audit reveals trillions wasted on classified defense project only identified by codename DOGECOIN

  58. richard says:

    headline: PENTAGON AUDIT REVEALS ALL PURCHASES ACCIDENTALLY DENOMINATED IN ZIMBABWE DOLLARS

  59. ak froggie says:

    When I was visiting Elmendorf AFB, a five-minute laughing fit was inspired when I saw a sign reading: ‘Dripping faucets waste government money.’ Hence, here’s my headline:

    ‘Down the Drain: DoD Audit Reveals Unauthorized Plumbing Leaks to Blame for Missing $3.3 Trillion’

    (Note: the 3.3 trillion encodes ’33’, revealing that it’s of course 100% BS)

  60. robert.t says:

    RUSSIAN DOG EATS SIMPSON CHILD HOMEWORK. BALTIC ON ALERT.

  61. corebean says:

    ** NEWS FLASH **
    Pentagon goes completely dark after weaponized AI bot designed to audit servers for threat levels identifies Pentagon as world’s biggest threat.

  62. michael.j says:

    “SECRET PENTAGON PROGRAM SPENT $22M ON UFO RESEARCH”

    Oh wait, sorry this isnt a fake headline…

    i saw this on CBS EVENING NEWS

  63. burton says:

    Missing trillions: Pentagon audit reveals ground breaking technology used to transplant David Rockefellers brain into Sophia. Unfortunately an official spokesman has revealed a last minute mix up has led to Rockefellers brain ending up in a sex robot by mistake. Efforts to retrieve the brain are underway however it’s suspected the robot was sold to a buyer in the Congo. The search continues.

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