WEBVTT 00:00:00.997 --> 00:00:06.597 Just get your damn vaccine. Dead set the Extraordinary Energizer! 00:00:11.717 --> 00:00:17.697 And now, from the PEOC deep under the demolished East Wing of the White House, 00:00:17.917 --> 00:00:22.317 it's the 9th Annual Fake News Awards! 00:00:23.557 --> 00:00:28.597 Featuring the fakest stories, the fakest journalists, and the fakest factoids 00:00:28.597 --> 00:00:33.117 from the year that was in this socially constructed pseudo-reality we call the news. 00:00:34.737 --> 00:00:38.817 The Fake News Awards is the only award show that dares to ask the question, 00:00:39.057 --> 00:00:45.377 what are these lying dips**** trying to sell us on now, and why do they expect us to swallow it? 00:00:46.257 --> 00:00:50.837 To what depths of digital depravity did the lying liars of the fake news media 00:00:50.837 --> 00:00:52.417 sink in the past 12 months. 00:00:53.337 --> 00:00:58.797 Which mockingbird repeaters, politicians, academics, and other establishment 00:00:58.797 --> 00:01:02.857 toadies twisted themselves into the biggest pretzel knots to curry favor with 00:01:02.857 --> 00:01:05.037 their financial overlords in 2025? 00:01:06.677 --> 00:01:13.637 And most important of all, who will walk away with the dino for the fakest story of the year? 00:01:15.437 --> 00:01:19.857 Find out in this year's exciting edition of the Fake News Awards! 00:01:22.237 --> 00:01:28.757 Brought to you by our corporate sponsors. Johnny YouTubers Self Censorship Boot Camp. 00:01:29.157 --> 00:01:33.497 You want to be a YouTube star? Then you better learn how to talk like a retard. 00:01:35.197 --> 00:01:39.457 Uncle Vlad's Russian Robots. You want to buy a robot? 00:01:41.117 --> 00:01:45.317 And Trump Travel. To Trump, Gaza and beyond. 00:01:48.183 --> 00:01:54.523 And now, here's the host of tonight's flaming dung heap, Bent Crockman! 00:01:58.103 --> 00:02:02.743 Ladies, gentlemen, shape-shifting lizards from the planet Archon, 00:02:02.923 --> 00:02:05.163 welcome one and all to this year's festivities. 00:02:05.503 --> 00:02:08.823 As you know by now, this is the Fake News Awards, where yours truly, 00:02:09.043 --> 00:02:13.783 Bent Crockman, bestows the dinos of dishonor on the biggest liars of the lying 00:02:13.783 --> 00:02:15.723 lamestream media over the past year. 00:02:16.203 --> 00:02:19.343 I see the guests are making their way to the venue as we speak, 00:02:19.523 --> 00:02:21.043 so let's cut to the live cameras. 00:02:21.823 --> 00:02:26.923 Yes, there's previous Fake News Award winner President Donald Trump sauntering 00:02:26.923 --> 00:02:29.183 toward the hall with his usual manly gait. 00:02:29.663 --> 00:02:32.843 And British Prime Minister Keir Starmer is right behind him. 00:02:33.763 --> 00:02:36.763 Almost. And there's RFK Jr. 00:02:37.203 --> 00:02:42.883 Shakily attempting to mount a small rock in some weird display of his superior virility. 00:02:43.763 --> 00:02:48.603 And Putin, I'm sure he'll be here once he sleeps off that vodka bender. 00:02:48.983 --> 00:02:53.123 But you didn't come here for that. You came here for these, the dinos. 00:02:53.623 --> 00:02:57.763 You know how it works by now. We have five prizes to give away in five exciting 00:02:57.763 --> 00:03:02.163 categories, each one dishonoring a fake news story from 2025. 00:03:02.883 --> 00:03:07.323 And don't forget to follow along at home with your specially produced Dino's 00:03:07.323 --> 00:03:12.663 Coloring Book, available on your favorite fake newsstand for a mere $999. 00:03:13.763 --> 00:03:22.263 Yay! Now, tonight's first dino is the prize for Fakest War Story of the Year. 00:03:23.123 --> 00:03:25.303 And the runners-up are... 00:03:27.083 --> 00:03:32.343 NBC, CNN, and the other mainstream repeaters who fingered the fiendish Russians, 00:03:32.403 --> 00:03:36.583 or is it the cunning Chinese, for dragging anchor and cutting undersea cables. 00:03:37.143 --> 00:03:42.443 Quick, launch a new NATO-Baltic sea mission! Oh wait, it was just some maritime 00:03:42.443 --> 00:03:47.383 accidents that could be used to whip up more war hysteria against the West's enemies. Never mind. 00:03:49.110 --> 00:03:53.910 The Telegraph, for publishing a story under the headline, China Invades Taiwan, 00:03:54.310 --> 00:03:58.210 Japan Steps In, that very plausibly could have started World War III. 00:03:58.990 --> 00:04:03.290 As it turns out, the story was actually a hypothetical piece speculating on 00:04:03.290 --> 00:04:07.930 what Japan might do if China invaded Taiwan. Oops. 00:04:09.410 --> 00:04:14.490 And the Israel Defense Forces, for The Ceasefire Agreement Came Into Effect 00:04:14.490 --> 00:04:19.270 at 12 o'clock, A tweet supposedly announcing a ceasefire agreement in Gaza, 00:04:19.510 --> 00:04:23.190 but actually just marking the next stage in Israel's complete, 00:04:23.330 --> 00:04:26.350 and completely illegal, annexation of Gaza. 00:04:26.650 --> 00:04:31.650 With 410 more dead Gazan bodies piling up since the increasingly inaccurately 00:04:31.650 --> 00:04:33.470 named ceasefire came into effect. 00:04:42.190 --> 00:04:44.330 And the loser is... 00:04:47.430 --> 00:04:52.850 Marco Rubio for Terrorist Designations of Cartel de los Soles, 00:04:52.990 --> 00:04:57.430 a State Department press release in which the rabid neocon warmonger, who is the U.S. 00:04:57.750 --> 00:05:02.570 Secretary of State, officially labels Venezuela's Cartel of the Sons a foreign 00:05:02.570 --> 00:05:07.630 terrorist organization in order to justify Uncle Sam's 2026 invasion of that 00:05:07.630 --> 00:05:09.530 country and abduction of its leader. 00:05:10.470 --> 00:05:14.310 Of course, the evidence for the very existence of this supposed drug cartel 00:05:14.310 --> 00:05:18.890 is flimsy at best, and the organization, to the extent that it ever existed, 00:05:19.290 --> 00:05:23.010 goes back to a CIA-created drug smuggling scheme in the 1990s, 00:05:23.190 --> 00:05:27.970 a fact even the dedicated dissimulators at 60 Minutes were forced to concede at the time. 00:05:29.558 --> 00:05:33.658 Who's going to let a little truth stand in the way of a good regime change operation? 00:05:34.218 --> 00:05:39.578 Certainly not Chevron. I mean, FIFA, Peace Prize President Trump, 00:05:39.758 --> 00:05:42.358 and his faithful neocon Tony Marco Rubio. 00:05:43.098 --> 00:05:46.358 And now the American people are going to have to deal with the you-break-it, 00:05:46.438 --> 00:05:51.678 you-buy-it consequences of destabilizing a nation of 30 million people on its own doorstep. 00:05:52.138 --> 00:05:54.998 But that's fodder for the 10th annual Fake News Awards. 00:05:55.678 --> 00:06:00.238 So for breaking the trust of the gullible voting rubes once again and launching 00:06:00.238 --> 00:06:03.778 yet another illegal foreign war of aggression on fictitious pretenses, 00:06:04.358 --> 00:06:06.838 this prize goes to you, Rubio. 00:06:07.618 --> 00:06:09.918 Congratulations. May you burn in hell. 00:06:11.158 --> 00:06:14.458 Well, that's an exciting way to start tonight's festivities, isn't it? 00:06:15.018 --> 00:06:18.258 Do you want to get straight to the next prize? Well, too bad. 00:06:18.658 --> 00:06:20.638 Here's a word from our corporate sponsor. 00:06:23.138 --> 00:06:27.078 Now listen up, you little maggots. Don't worry, it's your boy, 00:06:27.258 --> 00:06:32.278 Johnny YouTuber, right here on everyone's favorite place on the planet, the internet! 00:06:33.058 --> 00:06:36.598 By which I mean YouTube! Now, I know what you're thinking out there, 00:06:36.758 --> 00:06:41.158 being a professional YouTuber is everybody's dream, but I don't know how to 00:06:41.158 --> 00:06:43.218 do it, I wish someone would teach me! 00:06:43.838 --> 00:06:50.418 Well, that's why I've created Johnny YouTuber Boot Camp! Alright! Can I get an amen? Woo! 00:06:53.038 --> 00:06:59.298 So, what do you learn at JohnnyYoutuberBootCamp? You'll learn all the cool tricks 00:06:59.298 --> 00:07:05.718 and tips for being a top-rated influencer like ALWAYS have a reaction box on screen! 00:07:06.138 --> 00:07:11.178 Even if it's just you reacting to you! Because people need to know what to feel 00:07:11.178 --> 00:07:12.318 about what they're seeing. 00:07:13.198 --> 00:07:16.918 And you'll learn how to self-sensors so you can stay monetized! 00:07:17.538 --> 00:07:22.258 Sure, you're already used to these saying cornholio disease instead of COVID 00:07:22.258 --> 00:07:26.318 and carrot juice for vaccine, but are you up with the latest lingo? 00:07:26.538 --> 00:07:30.498 Do you know what it means to kermit sewer slide by unaliving yourself with a 00:07:30.498 --> 00:07:32.558 pew-pew? Well, you will soon. 00:07:36.084 --> 00:07:39.424 And you'll learn how to pose for the perfect thumbnail! 00:07:43.684 --> 00:07:47.424 And you'll learn how to choose just the right title for your video! 00:07:47.764 --> 00:07:52.444 Like, say you want to put out a video about MH17, so you purposefully give it 00:07:52.444 --> 00:07:54.904 the most stupidest, most click-baity title you can think of? 00:07:55.804 --> 00:08:01.044 MH17 Fully Exposed! You won't believe the shocking truth about the Ukraine false flag! 00:08:01.244 --> 00:08:05.584 And it becomes the eighth most viewed video in the history of your channel! 00:08:05.584 --> 00:08:08.124 Boom, that's what I'm talking about. 00:08:08.684 --> 00:08:13.664 All right, so you guys wanna know how to be a pro YouTuber just like your main man, Johnny YouTube? 00:08:14.204 --> 00:08:20.624 Then you sign up for my boot camp, Sergeant Johnny gonna hook you up. 00:08:22.284 --> 00:08:27.144 Now drop and give me 20 million likes and subscribes. Oh yeah. 00:08:33.218 --> 00:08:37.998 Fantastic. I think I lost a few million brain cells just watching that commercial. 00:08:38.498 --> 00:08:40.858 Johnny YouTuber never fails to deliver. 00:08:41.578 --> 00:08:45.698 Moving right along, let's dish out our next dino of denunciation, 00:08:45.978 --> 00:08:48.938 the award for fakest science of the year. 00:08:49.418 --> 00:08:51.298 And the runners-up are... 00:08:53.398 --> 00:08:57.378 Francesca Gino, the Harvard behavioral scientist who was stripped of her tenure 00:08:57.378 --> 00:09:00.258 after it was discovered that you can't make this up. 00:09:00.818 --> 00:09:04.498 She fabricated data in four separate studies on dishonesty. 00:09:05.498 --> 00:09:09.998 The demographers who came up with the blue zone hypothesis that people in certain 00:09:09.998 --> 00:09:14.598 areas live exceptionally long lives because of their region's diet and lifestyle, 00:09:14.818 --> 00:09:19.038 but whose theory was utterly debunked last year when it was found that the real 00:09:19.038 --> 00:09:22.658 reason there are more centenarians reported to be living in these low-income, 00:09:22.858 --> 00:09:27.778 low-literacy, high-crime, short lifespan areas was because of dodgy data owing 00:09:27.778 --> 00:09:30.558 to clerical errors and pension fraud. 00:09:31.758 --> 00:09:36.538 And the UK COVID inquiry, which concluded that the failure of the UK government 00:09:36.538 --> 00:09:40.518 to lock down their tax cattle earlier may have cost lives, whereas, 00:09:40.858 --> 00:09:46.498 in reality, as NIH director Jay Bhattacharya observes, not locking down at all, 00:09:46.718 --> 00:09:49.478 like Sweden, would have saved lives in the UK. 00:09:51.218 --> 00:09:53.458 And the loser is... 00:09:57.658 --> 00:09:58.178 Thanks, Mike. 00:10:01.318 --> 00:10:06.918 The Make America Healthy Again Commission for their MAHA report, 00:10:07.258 --> 00:10:11.678 which it turns out included not one, not two, not three, not four, 00:10:11.778 --> 00:10:16.118 not five, not six, but seven completely fake citations. 00:10:16.698 --> 00:10:21.218 That's right, not only did the MAHA commission have to resort to making up non-existent 00:10:21.218 --> 00:10:24.578 fake scientific reports to convince the public that it should become healthy 00:10:24.578 --> 00:10:28.358 again, they almost certainly used ChatGBT to do it. 00:10:29.018 --> 00:10:33.218 The seven fake citations were most likely hallucinations generated by the AI 00:10:33.218 --> 00:10:36.118 chatbot that was tasked with actually writing the document. 00:10:36.358 --> 00:10:38.038 And that's not to mention the numerous 00:10:38.038 --> 00:10:41.878 other broken links to and flawed summarizations of other research. 00:10:42.518 --> 00:10:47.838 But don't sweat it, guys. White House spokeswoman and font of truth Carolyn 00:10:47.838 --> 00:10:53.318 Levitt claimed the citations of non-existent studies were just formatting issues. 00:10:53.478 --> 00:10:59.018 And this is why, in a year when AI slop provided us with fodder for many fake 00:10:59.018 --> 00:11:04.738 news stories and fake commercials and other assorted techno-fakery from the seventh circle of hell, 00:11:05.318 --> 00:11:08.778 this particular piece of AI slop, science takes the cake. 00:11:09.118 --> 00:11:12.938 Or should that be the dino? Congrats, losers! 00:11:14.278 --> 00:11:20.198 And speaking of AI and fake news, it's time to dish out our next mark of shame, 00:11:20.338 --> 00:11:23.998 the dino, for fakest AI-generated news. 00:11:24.558 --> 00:11:26.458 And the runners-up are... 00:11:28.738 --> 00:11:33.218 Pakistani newspaper Don, whose editors forgot to take the if you want, 00:11:33.358 --> 00:11:37.498 I can create an even snappier front page style version prompt out of their article 00:11:37.498 --> 00:11:39.338 on the Pakistani auto industry. 00:11:40.318 --> 00:11:44.778 The Chicago Sun-Times for publishing a summer reading list full of fake books, 00:11:44.958 --> 00:11:48.338 including books that don't exist, by authors who do exist. 00:11:50.011 --> 00:11:55.291 And Victoria Goldie, a silly fake name for a silly fake journalist who creates 00:11:55.291 --> 00:11:59.591 fake AI-generated articles using fake quotes from real people and who wasn't 00:11:59.591 --> 00:12:03.951 outed until one suspicious editor decided to check out a pitch by this prolific freelancer. 00:12:06.191 --> 00:12:07.851 And the loser is... 00:12:11.251 --> 00:12:20.131 Oh, thanks, Mike. The Washington Post for creating AI-generated personalized 00:12:20.131 --> 00:12:22.371 podcasts that feature fake, 00:12:22.851 --> 00:12:26.651 error-ridden AI slop hosted by fake digitally created voices. 00:12:27.871 --> 00:12:32.811 Yes, the crack prostitutes at the Washington Dies in Darkness Post decided in 00:12:32.811 --> 00:12:37.091 their infinite wisdom to produce personalized podcasts for their gullible readers. 00:12:37.871 --> 00:12:41.651 These podcasts could be generated in seconds, featuring a voice selected by 00:12:41.651 --> 00:12:43.871 the user on topics they're interested in. 00:12:44.211 --> 00:12:49.611 The only problem? These podcasts immediately started generating AI-hallucinated 00:12:49.611 --> 00:12:55.031 fake news content riddled with factual errors and published under the Washington Post name. 00:12:55.371 --> 00:13:01.611 As one frustrated WAPO editor vented on Slack, it is truly astonishing that 00:13:01.611 --> 00:13:03.131 this was allowed to go forward at all. 00:13:03.651 --> 00:13:07.271 Never would I have imagined that the Washington Post would deliberately warp 00:13:07.271 --> 00:13:11.231 its own journalism and then push these errors out to our audience at scale. 00:13:11.471 --> 00:13:14.631 If we were serious, we would pull this tool immediately. 00:13:15.651 --> 00:13:22.071 Ah, but therein lies the problem. Even the Bezos Post editors still think of this feature as a tool. 00:13:22.331 --> 00:13:28.891 But it isn't. It's an AI slop vomiting cancer on humanity designed to parasitically 00:13:28.891 --> 00:13:33.311 suck the content out of real productive human journalism and regurgitate it 00:13:33.311 --> 00:13:37.191 back into the brain-dead Rube's ears, hallucinated nonsense and all. 00:13:37.691 --> 00:13:42.851 What is the point of this crap? Why on earth would any sane human being want this? 00:13:43.311 --> 00:13:48.111 They don't. But that's precisely why sane people don't read the Washington Post. 00:13:49.030 --> 00:13:55.010 Here's your dino, you pathetic, AI-addled establishment toadies. Suck it! 00:13:56.930 --> 00:14:02.590 All right, now we're on a roll. So let's immediately bring that roll to a crashing 00:14:02.590 --> 00:14:05.390 halt with another word from our corporate sponsors. 00:14:08.070 --> 00:14:11.950 No doubt about it, people like vacations. 00:14:12.410 --> 00:14:16.890 Vacations to beautiful places, and they like to travel in style. 00:14:16.890 --> 00:14:20.670 Well, I'm here to announce to you today, Trump Travel. 00:14:20.990 --> 00:14:23.290 It's a beautiful travel agency. 00:14:23.750 --> 00:14:30.170 Everybody's talking about it. And by everybody, I mean me, Donald J. Trump. Trump Travel. 00:14:30.910 --> 00:14:33.790 No more slumming it in third world hell holes. 00:14:34.090 --> 00:14:37.490 It's time to travel in style, first class all the way. 00:14:37.730 --> 00:14:43.250 From private jets to exquisite resorts, we're offering an experience like no other. 00:14:43.790 --> 00:14:49.890 Think luxury. think exclusivity think destinations that only the select few 00:14:49.890 --> 00:14:54.530 know about you want to laze around in the sun then why not laze around in the 00:14:54.530 --> 00:14:58.950 sun in the Caribbean I know this place it's called Little St. 00:14:59.130 --> 00:15:03.310 James but that's not what the Democrats call it they have another name for it 00:15:03.310 --> 00:15:09.270 anyway it's a beautiful place it's a small island but it has lots of amenities 00:15:09.270 --> 00:15:11.930 the best kind of wonderful secret amenities. 00:15:12.310 --> 00:15:17.870 The owner's dead. He was a terrific guy and a good buddy, but he did some things and now he's dead. 00:15:18.130 --> 00:15:22.930 So you can stay there basically for free. Quite frankly, it's amazing. 00:15:23.490 --> 00:15:27.110 Trump travel. Or maybe you want to go somewhere a little more peaceful. 00:15:27.710 --> 00:15:32.390 Well, have you heard of Trump Gaza? It's the most wonderful place on earth. 00:15:32.810 --> 00:15:38.010 Sunshine, resorts, casinos, big, beautiful beaches. 00:15:38.410 --> 00:15:42.890 Bearded ladies dancing on those beaches. No one knows why they're there, 00:15:43.090 --> 00:15:45.130 but everyone's telling me they're amazing. 00:15:45.570 --> 00:15:51.950 And my good buddy, Bebe, tells me he's definitely gonna stop bombing the shit out of that place. 00:15:52.776 --> 00:15:56.956 Sometime, if he feels like it. Trump travel. What? 00:15:57.536 --> 00:16:02.496 You don't like Trump Gaza? That's fine. There's another place I'm working on right now. 00:16:02.936 --> 00:16:07.196 I can't give too much away at this moment, but let's just say it's in South America. 00:16:07.416 --> 00:16:11.836 And, hey, if you want to be leader of a country of 30 million people during 00:16:11.836 --> 00:16:15.616 your vacation, I'm sure we can work something out. Trump travel. 00:16:16.156 --> 00:16:20.096 Come on. You deserve a vacation. Give yourself a treat. 00:16:20.516 --> 00:16:24.736 Travel with Trump Travel. Purchase your trip now and I'll throw in two free 00:16:24.736 --> 00:16:28.916 ringside seats to the UFC fight in the New East Wing. Trump Travel. 00:16:29.396 --> 00:16:33.056 Everybody's talking about it. Especially me. 00:16:39.594 --> 00:16:44.434 Wow, that is a trustworthy and reliable human being if ever I saw one. 00:16:44.854 --> 00:16:48.114 All right, folks, moving right along, it's time to dishonor the next unlucky 00:16:48.114 --> 00:16:50.454 dino recipient of tonight's fake news festivities. 00:16:50.714 --> 00:16:54.894 It's time to award the prize for Fakest Journalist of the Year. 00:16:55.494 --> 00:16:56.834 And the runners-up are... 00:16:59.334 --> 00:17:04.434 Rachel Maddow for lamenting another Trump travesty in her report on how Musk 00:17:04.434 --> 00:17:08.714 has convinced the Trump government to spend $400 million on armored Teslas. 00:17:09.174 --> 00:17:11.594 Definitely not corrupt and ripping us all off. 00:17:12.214 --> 00:17:14.614 Except, that was all done under Biden. 00:17:16.054 --> 00:17:19.874 Jake, it wasn't really until after the election that we finally acknowledged 00:17:19.874 --> 00:17:23.094 what everyone else had been seeing for four years and decided to profit off 00:17:23.094 --> 00:17:27.414 our complete lack of journalistic integrity, Tapper, for being, well, 00:17:27.854 --> 00:17:31.174 Jake, it wasn't really until after the election that we finally acknowledged 00:17:31.174 --> 00:17:34.014 what everyone else has been seeing for four years and decided to profit off 00:17:34.014 --> 00:17:36.454 our complete lack of journalistic integrity, Tapper. 00:17:37.334 --> 00:17:41.454 And the veritable online army of flag-waving, MAGA-loving patriots who were 00:17:41.454 --> 00:17:45.614 accidentally exposed as foreign psyops agents and cyber warriors when Twitter 00:17:45.614 --> 00:17:50.154 briefly included, and then immediately removed, an account location feature. 00:17:52.254 --> 00:17:54.174 And the loser is... 00:18:02.608 --> 00:18:10.668 USAID for funding over 6,200 journalists and 707 media outlets and 279 media 00:18:10.668 --> 00:18:16.048 NGOs and a partridge in a pear tree, and including 9 out of 10 media outlets in Ukraine. 00:18:17.068 --> 00:18:21.308 That's right. In their report lamenting the gutting of USAID by Doge early last year, 00:18:21.828 --> 00:18:25.148 Reporters Without Borders accidentally let the cat out of the bag by admitting 00:18:25.148 --> 00:18:29.328 that, According to a USAID fact sheet, which has since been taken offline, 00:18:29.788 --> 00:18:34.328 in 2023, the agency funded training and support for 6,200 journalists, 00:18:34.828 --> 00:18:40.708 assisted 707 non-state news outlets, and supported 279 media sector civil society 00:18:40.708 --> 00:18:43.628 organizations dedicated to strengthening independent media. 00:18:43.628 --> 00:18:53.948 The 2025 foreign aid budget included $268,376,000 allocated by Congress to support 00:18:53.948 --> 00:18:56.988 independent media and the free flow of information. 00:18:58.258 --> 00:19:03.398 What? Those poor independent media outlets that were being funded to spread 00:19:03.398 --> 00:19:07.778 CIA-sanctioned fake news in countries on the State Department hit list are now 00:19:07.778 --> 00:19:12.198 going to have to somehow make do without Uncle Sam making it rain to the tune 00:19:12.198 --> 00:19:14.358 of a quarter of a billion dollars? 00:19:14.898 --> 00:19:16.418 Oh, the humanity! 00:19:17.598 --> 00:19:20.778 Curiously left out of Reporters Without Borders account, however, 00:19:20.778 --> 00:19:25.718 is USAID's real history as a funding vehicle for State Department-sponsored 00:19:25.718 --> 00:19:29.038 and CIA-run regime change operations in foreign countries, 00:19:29.218 --> 00:19:33.798 including its role in creating fake social media networks to foment unrest in Cuba, 00:19:34.298 --> 00:19:39.598 or sending fake doctors running a fake HIV prevention clinic to foment unrest in Cuba, 00:19:40.298 --> 00:19:42.518 or propping up a fake hip-hop scene with U.S. 00:19:42.598 --> 00:19:45.678 Taxpayer dollars in order to foment unrest in Cuba, 00:19:45.898 --> 00:19:49.758 not to mention its role in torturing political opposition in Latin America, 00:19:49.758 --> 00:19:54.938 co-funding an opium smuggling airline in Laos, and co-sponsoring the opposition 00:19:54.938 --> 00:19:57.898 groups that participated in the coup in Ukraine in 2014. 00:19:58.918 --> 00:20:03.678 No, for that kind of detail, you'll have to go to the actual independent media, 00:20:03.958 --> 00:20:08.798 you know, the kind that isn't receiving hundreds of millions of dollars from the U.S. 00:20:08.918 --> 00:20:11.358 Government to do its fake news reporting dirty work. 00:20:11.798 --> 00:20:18.218 So, here you go, Reporters Without Borders, and your USAID fellow travelers. 00:20:18.578 --> 00:20:22.898 Here's your dino of shame, and here's hoping we see you in the unemployment 00:20:22.898 --> 00:20:27.858 line in 2026, once your paymaster's figured out that they can replace you and 00:20:27.858 --> 00:20:31.498 your fellow lying fake news journalists with AI chatbots. 00:20:32.218 --> 00:20:37.598 Ow! And now it's time for the most important part of tonight's festivities, 00:20:37.838 --> 00:20:44.718 the part you've been waiting for all year long, the climax of our orgy of fakery. 00:20:46.118 --> 00:20:47.798 Another word from our corporate sponsors. 00:21:05.685 --> 00:21:06.465 Straszche! 00:21:08.585 --> 00:21:09.545 I am Uncle Vladimir. 00:21:11.705 --> 00:21:17.505 You want... How you Americansky say? You want to buy robots? 00:21:18.765 --> 00:21:22.125 Nyeet, I mean... You really want to buy robots? 00:21:22.645 --> 00:21:27.605 Then you come to right place, duh. Uncle Vladimir's Russian robots. 00:21:28.685 --> 00:21:31.885 You want Chinese robots? Nyeet! 00:21:32.265 --> 00:21:38.945 Those vile contraptions. Those hip-swaying beauties for make jealous your wife. 00:21:40.165 --> 00:21:45.265 Those dog robots, they beg and turn the tricks for make jealous your wife. 00:21:46.105 --> 00:21:54.025 An American robot? Nyet. Those Chesler robots, they walk like make toilet in 00:21:54.025 --> 00:22:00.265 the pants, or those man-servant robots for fetch your vodka, duh. 00:22:02.865 --> 00:22:07.965 I spit on them! Have you seen the real Russian robot? 00:22:08.425 --> 00:22:13.745 He's made strong like glorious Russian leader Vladimir Putin. 00:22:14.385 --> 00:22:15.625 Watch this. 00:22:26.003 --> 00:22:32.103 Respect! Uncle Vladimir has many glorious ration robots. 00:22:32.503 --> 00:22:35.683 Another one is falling off the delivery truck right now. 00:22:37.043 --> 00:22:43.283 There it is. It is yours for a low, low price of two quadrillion rubles. 00:22:43.643 --> 00:22:47.543 And remember to tell them Uncle Vladimir sent you. 00:22:56.883 --> 00:22:57.363 Bispekt! 00:23:04.243 --> 00:23:08.543 I don't know what the f*** that was, but that guy left his vodka bottle here 00:23:08.543 --> 00:23:11.723 and I'm four sheets to the wind, so I couldn't care less. 00:23:12.403 --> 00:23:17.603 All right, where were we? Oh, that's right, the big one. 00:23:17.743 --> 00:23:21.823 Okay, one more for courage or something. 00:23:25.821 --> 00:23:33.701 All right! Here we go! And this year's award for fake news story of the year goes to... 00:23:35.101 --> 00:23:39.381 Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no. I know what's going on here. 00:23:40.121 --> 00:23:44.581 Every year, I go to open this envelope, and the winner isn't in here. 00:23:44.821 --> 00:23:48.501 I put on this big show of unwrapping this stupid thing, and there's nothing 00:23:48.501 --> 00:23:50.941 inside, and I end up looking like an idiot. 00:23:51.121 --> 00:23:54.861 And you all have a good laugh at my expense and say, look behind the dino, 00:23:55.041 --> 00:23:56.481 stupid, or something like that. 00:23:56.661 --> 00:23:59.021 Well, I'm not falling for that this year. 00:23:59.241 --> 00:24:03.921 I'm not some Charlie Brown schmuck running to kick the football again and again 00:24:03.921 --> 00:24:08.521 and again while that bitch Lucy pulls that damn thing away every damn time. 00:24:08.721 --> 00:24:13.301 I swear, if I get my hands on whoever is doing this... 00:24:14.841 --> 00:24:19.321 Wait, what's that? It's in the envelope. 00:24:20.061 --> 00:24:24.241 For real. like it's really in there this year. 00:24:25.821 --> 00:24:31.201 Oh I see, okay, well done. Sorry about that ladies and gentlemen. 00:24:31.441 --> 00:24:38.281 All right let's see who the biggest liar of the year is and the award for fake 00:24:38.281 --> 00:24:41.841 news story of the year goes to... 00:24:41.841 --> 00:24:46.741 What on earth? 00:24:51.261 --> 00:24:51.961 Ah, I see. 00:24:55.541 --> 00:24:59.961 And the fake news story of the year goes to... 00:25:02.581 --> 00:25:08.061 Donald Trump for, are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? 00:25:08.361 --> 00:25:10.381 This guy's been talked about for years. 00:25:12.965 --> 00:25:17.845 Could I just interrupt for a second? Sure. Are you still talking about Jeffrey 00:25:17.845 --> 00:25:20.885 Epstein? This guy's been talked about for years. 00:25:21.305 --> 00:25:25.485 You're asking, we have Texas, we have this, we have all of the things. 00:25:26.405 --> 00:25:32.285 And are people still talking about this guy, this creep? That is unbelievable. 00:25:34.685 --> 00:25:40.825 Incredible. Just incredible. Remember when ABC News won the third annual Fake 00:25:40.825 --> 00:25:46.505 News Story of the Year for It was unbelievable what we had. We had Clinton. We had everything. 00:25:47.265 --> 00:25:52.585 Well, the proud tradition continues. Yes, in a remarkable turn of events, U.S. 00:25:52.865 --> 00:25:57.545 President Donald J. Trump has become the first ever two-time winner of the Fake 00:25:57.545 --> 00:25:59.445 News Story of the Year dishonor. 00:25:59.805 --> 00:26:03.645 After having previously won for his lies about the Duma chemical weapons hoax, 00:26:03.805 --> 00:26:06.785 he's now the winner for perpetrating a hoax of his own. 00:26:06.945 --> 00:26:10.005 The Epstein-was-a-hoax hoax. 00:26:10.305 --> 00:26:13.585 And he actually thinks his supporters are dumb enough to fall for it. 00:26:14.265 --> 00:26:17.485 If only he were here to accept the award in person. 00:26:20.205 --> 00:26:24.945 Wait, I'm getting word that... Yes, Trump has been informed of his dino, 00:26:25.125 --> 00:26:28.325 and has organized a hasty press conference to accept the award. 00:26:28.865 --> 00:26:32.605 Let's cut to our live feed, courtesy of Mike from Dayjob Orchestra. 00:26:34.625 --> 00:26:39.285 Thank you very much. First, they got up this morning. 00:26:40.894 --> 00:26:43.654 Found out again, I'm a really important person. That's right. 00:26:43.874 --> 00:26:46.014 You remember James Corbett. Over in Japan. 00:26:46.994 --> 00:26:51.034 Corbett has an award show over there. It's about my partying with Jeff Epstein. 00:26:51.194 --> 00:26:53.574 And you know that's fake news. Just like me and Bubba. 00:26:54.034 --> 00:26:58.714 It's a big old sack of lies. There's a rumor going around. Fell on my knees for Bubba. 00:27:00.154 --> 00:27:03.194 Bill slapped me with his penis. That's a bunch of horse shit. 00:27:03.554 --> 00:27:05.354 I hope you know I didn't suck his willy. 00:27:05.774 --> 00:27:10.334 Well, I told you before, this Epstein business, it's all a hoax perpetrated 00:27:10.334 --> 00:27:12.374 for idiots with nothing better to do. 00:27:12.654 --> 00:27:14.974 This award had great people before me. 00:27:15.554 --> 00:27:18.834 Klaus Schwab was even a winner. What do you think? Bibi, Fauci, 00:27:19.034 --> 00:27:20.334 and other wonderful people. 00:27:20.514 --> 00:27:24.794 I just want to thank James for this actual fake award, Steely. 00:27:25.194 --> 00:27:27.634 I'm a bit more than just a big idiot. 00:27:28.054 --> 00:27:31.914 I'm so, so great. But bullshit just tempt me. 00:27:34.694 --> 00:27:39.354 Hey, asshole, sit down. Oh, I want to shout out to, who I gotta thank. 00:27:39.354 --> 00:27:40.614 A really, really nice help to me. 00:27:40.734 --> 00:27:43.914 That Jimmy Savile, wonderful man, he was my dad's roommate. 00:27:44.754 --> 00:27:49.794 If anyone doubts this, you know I'll say it's fake. Anyway, it's not easy being 00:27:49.794 --> 00:27:52.574 a moron. I come from a corrupt family as well. 00:27:53.194 --> 00:27:56.294 We force anybody that has questions to shut up, 00:27:57.215 --> 00:28:00.935 For example, the teenagers in Epstein, Ireland. It's okay, though, 00:28:01.035 --> 00:28:03.215 because I'm protected. What do you mean by that? 00:28:03.895 --> 00:28:06.995 It's a big hoax. Jeffrey Epstein was a super fabulous person. 00:28:07.115 --> 00:28:09.615 He killed himself. Mr. President, how do you explain... We're done here. 00:28:10.995 --> 00:28:14.415 Amazing! Incredible! Definitely not fake! 00:28:15.075 --> 00:28:18.995 If you want to see more of that incredibly not fake and definitely not lip-dub 00:28:18.995 --> 00:28:23.075 footage, be sure to check out Day Job Orchestra on Bitshoot or Odyssey. 00:28:23.995 --> 00:28:29.435 So, yes, folks. hoax, after lying to the gullible MAGA-believing rubes about the Iran strikes, 00:28:29.935 --> 00:28:33.835 stabbing them in the back with the Trump-Gaza-slash-Board of Peace debacle, 00:28:34.255 --> 00:28:38.195 poking them in the eye with the Project Stargate fiasco, kicking them while 00:28:38.195 --> 00:28:41.915 they're down with the Ukraine peace plan disaster, and rubbing salt in their 00:28:41.915 --> 00:28:44.175 wounds with the Venezuela drug cartel lie, 00:28:44.535 --> 00:28:49.415 Trump might have actually woken up his bootlicker base with a final kick to the groin. 00:28:49.595 --> 00:28:51.675 The Epstein hoax hoax. 00:28:52.395 --> 00:28:57.075 You see, apparently it's the radical left Democrats who came up with this new 00:28:57.075 --> 00:29:02.575 scam, which Trump tried to tell his supporters, we will forever call the Jeffrey Epstein hoax. 00:29:03.315 --> 00:29:08.315 Then he went on to berate anyone who still actually cares about the elite child 00:29:08.315 --> 00:29:11.635 sex trafficker and his friends in business, finance, entertainment, 00:29:11.655 --> 00:29:17.895 and politics, calling them past supporters who have bought into this bullshit hook, line, and sinker. 00:29:18.875 --> 00:29:21.995 Shirt on, whatever you say, we're definitely 00:29:21.995 --> 00:29:26.295 falling for your nothing-to-see-here-folks naked gun meme routine, 00:29:26.295 --> 00:29:30.815 and we're definitely not interested in peering behind that curtain you've put 00:29:30.815 --> 00:29:34.735 up around you because it's all a Democrat hoax. 00:29:35.355 --> 00:29:40.455 Just imagine how excited Trump must have been when he saw the newly released 00:29:40.455 --> 00:29:45.535 photos showing famed magician David Blaine entertaining Epstein and his distinguished guests, 00:29:46.395 --> 00:29:49.535 But then think how crestfallen he must have been when he realized that even 00:29:49.535 --> 00:29:52.275 David Blaine couldn't make the Epstein files disappear. 00:29:53.235 --> 00:29:57.315 Although, to be fair, the Orange One didn't win this award all by himself. 00:29:57.795 --> 00:30:01.915 No, no, no, he surrounded himself with the very best team of sycophants and 00:30:01.915 --> 00:30:06.695 cover-up buffoons who are willing to lie to the public about Epstein in a vain 00:30:06.695 --> 00:30:10.815 attempt to send one of the most prolific political pedophilia blackmail rings 00:30:10.815 --> 00:30:13.615 in history down the collective memory hole. 00:30:14.915 --> 00:30:18.235 In february you made a public claim that the epstein client 00:30:18.235 --> 00:30:23.035 list was quote sitting on my desk right now for review end of quote you then 00:30:23.035 --> 00:30:27.195 produce already public information and no client list at a major media event 00:30:27.195 --> 00:30:31.015 hosted at the white house attorney general bondi why did you publicly claim 00:30:31.015 --> 00:30:32.875 to have the epstein client list 00:30:32.875 --> 00:30:36.235 waiting for your review and then produce nothing relevant to that claim. 00:30:37.815 --> 00:30:44.395 Senator Durbin, if you listen to my entire clip on that, I said I had not reviewed 00:30:44.395 --> 00:30:49.015 it yet, that it was sitting on my desk along with the JFK files, 00:30:49.175 --> 00:30:50.495 the Martin Luther King files. 00:30:50.655 --> 00:30:53.195 And I said I had not yet reviewed it. 00:30:53.555 --> 00:30:58.295 And if you see our memo on Epstein, you will see, excuse me, 00:30:58.635 --> 00:31:03.235 our memo on Epstein clearly points out that there was no client list. 00:31:03.835 --> 00:31:07.175 You said Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide. 00:31:08.115 --> 00:31:13.295 People don't believe it. Well, I mean, listen, they have a right to their opinion. 00:31:13.435 --> 00:31:16.755 But as someone who has worked as a public defender, as a prosecutor, 00:31:16.915 --> 00:31:19.855 who's been in that prison system, who's been in the Metropolitan Detention Center, 00:31:19.975 --> 00:31:24.235 who's been in segregated housing, you know a suicide when you see one. 00:31:24.315 --> 00:31:27.135 And that's what that was. He killed himself. 00:31:28.075 --> 00:31:31.015 Again, you want me to? I've seen the whole file. 00:31:31.895 --> 00:31:35.555 The DOJ and FBI later said there was no incriminating client list, 00:31:35.775 --> 00:31:41.615 no credible evidence Epstein blackmailed anyone, and the report confirmed he died by suicide in 2019. 00:31:44.112 --> 00:31:49.732 Yes, truly, the Epstein was a hoax hoax has been a team effort in gaslighting. 00:31:50.352 --> 00:31:54.832 Thankfully, the public hasn't been dumbed down enough by the statist indoctrination 00:31:54.832 --> 00:31:58.352 system to swallow that bucket of stale horse piss yet. 00:31:58.812 --> 00:32:04.092 The laughably misnamed justice system may be bought and paid for by these same 00:32:04.092 --> 00:32:08.152 well-connected kiddie diddlers that Trump is protecting, but in the court of 00:32:08.152 --> 00:32:10.052 public opinion, we know the truth. 00:32:10.752 --> 00:32:15.272 Epstein was an intel op that caught many of the rich and powerful in his net, 00:32:15.432 --> 00:32:19.272 and we will not rest until each and every one of these disgusting perverts is 00:32:19.272 --> 00:32:22.732 held accountable for their actions, no matter what office they're in, 00:32:22.812 --> 00:32:25.272 and no matter what title they have. 00:32:26.712 --> 00:32:33.732 And that's the Fake News Awards, everyone! We sure hope you join us again next year for... 00:32:35.772 --> 00:32:39.172 Wait. What am I doing? 00:32:40.052 --> 00:32:43.132 What? What? Why am I doing this? 00:32:43.852 --> 00:32:48.152 Why are you watching this? What does any of this mean? 00:32:49.712 --> 00:32:52.772 That's it. I've had it. I'm out of here. 00:32:53.352 --> 00:33:00.652 I quit. No, no, no, really. That's it. You can take this job and shove it up your- 00:33:05.072 --> 00:33:09.152 Uh, what's going on? Hello? 00:33:10.452 --> 00:33:13.392 He's gone? He's really gone? 00:33:17.552 --> 00:33:18.712 He really left? 00:33:20.972 --> 00:33:25.652 Crookman left! I told Mike, keep him away from the booze! 00:33:26.292 --> 00:33:29.992 Just one drop of that sweet, sweet sauce and he'd be off the rails again! 00:33:30.452 --> 00:33:34.252 For nine years I've kept him on the wagon and now it's all gone to s**t! 00:33:35.072 --> 00:33:38.112 What are we meant to do now? Cut the feed! 00:33:39.492 --> 00:33:40.872 I said cut the feed!