The Greatest President of All Time Is…

11/10/201851 Comments

Well, another cycle of (s)election hysteria has come and gone in the disUnited States of Amerikkka, Inc., and, as you well know, everything in the world has transformed overnight. Now that the Demopublicans are in control of the House and the Republicrats have kept the Senate, we have all seen the drastic changes in our . . .

Haha. Sorry. I couldn’t keep a straight face while typing that twaddle. But in honour (that’s right, honoUr!) of my American brethren and their recent political ritual (meant to absolve them of any substantive action for another two years until they can once again stuff a piece of paper in a ballot box and go back to sleep), I thought I would engage in that age-old game that seems to be America’s other pastime: debating who was the greatest president of all time.

You know what I’m talking about.

“I think President Whiskey Rebellion was better than President If I Could Save The Union Without Freeing Any Slave I Would Do It!”

“No way! President Japanese Internment Camps was better!”

“Nuh uh! What about President He Kept Us Out of War?”

“Come on, guys! You’re all forgetting about President Kill List!”

As I say, you all know how that game goes.

Now, full disclosure: I’m not American. Heck, I’m not even a statist. As an anarchist, it would be physically impossible for me to care less who 51% of the 41% of the population that votes (s)elected to rule over everyone else. And as a Canadian, why would an American care what I thought anyway?

So I’ve decided to broaden the scope of this little debate. This is no mere American political argument about whether Millard Fillmore or William Henry Harrison was the G.O.A.T. of the Oval Office. No, that would be silly. Let’s expand the list a little and include executive office holders from around the world. Heck, let’s include off-worlders, too. And when I say the greatest of all time, I mean ALL TIME. Past, present and future. Real OR fictional.

With all those caveats in place, I think we can all agree that the greatest president of all time (and space) is . . .

Who? Who?!! Who is the greatest president, James? Well, you’re just going to have to subscribe to find out, now aren’t you? Well, either that or click the link to the free version of this editorial that is included in every single edition of this subscriber-only newsletter. Go ahead, just bypass this and click it! Steal food out of my children’s mouth if it makes you feel any better! Anyway, either way, you probably won’t want to miss this edition of The Corbett Report Subscriber. For full access to the subscriber newsletter, and to support this website, please become a member.

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